True Story

I believe many drivers, in some point of their driving life, would have some rough encounter with other drivers. Well, here's mine.

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I remembered this incident particularly well because it was the first conflict I had with another road user ever since I had gotten my driving license. It was rather late at night along New Upper Changi Road and the road was almost empty. I was with a couple of friends and we were on our way to a supper place.

While along that road, I was driving behind a motorcycle, with a pillion rider and riding pretty slowly. But as we weren't exactly rushed for time, I didn't switch lane to overtake, instead, I stayed behind the rider. Maybe I was too engrossed conversing with my friends, but the next thing I know when I stopped at the traffic light, the rider pulled up beside me and started knocking hard on my window, demanding me to wind it down.

Of course, I didn't know what happened or what went wrong but because of that hard knocking on my window, I already start to feel anger building up. So the first thing I said aggressively (slight) was,"Eh! What you want?!"

Then I found out the issues he had with me. He (no gender bias here, it's really a "he") claimed that I had shone him a high beam while driving behind him. And he went on to say that I am picking on him and that he's riding within the road speed limit and not road hogging anything. Of course, you should imagine him saying all these in a coarser tone. And that got me even more angry.

We couldn't settle this conflict within the red traffic light time-span, so we stopped by the roadside to trash it out again.

What follows was a good 10 minute of both verbal accusations(by him) and denial (by me), complimented with a slight dose of vulgarities. However, when we both realized that this saga is leading nowhere, we both end it off (hostilely) by walking away from it and back to what we were doing, with bad feelings and rotten mood. I guess that can be counted as a resolve to this issue since we are strangers and I probably won't see him again.

P.S: I found out later that I didn't actually use the high beam on him. It's just that my car beam shines slightly higher due to the higher car height and that his motorbike was not that high. Or maybe it's also because I was driving close to him to create that effect.
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Reflecting back, both parties could have averted this conflict if we were to control our negative emotions and feelings. Even though this conflict do not strain any relationship as we do not have any in the first place to speak of, but it does leave a bad experience and spoils your mood for the rest of the night.

Now why is holding back our negative feelings important? One thing I learn about conflict is that when two person exchange in a heated verbal argument, the issue that started this argument plays a less significant role in fueling the heated exchange. Rather, it's the attitude, tone and expressions of the user that quickly elevate the conflict. You get more angry not because he did that, but because he said it in a manner that is not too friendly. Therefore, it is important to regulate them.

Since it is more logical to avert this escalated conflict by beginning with myself, changing My Behavior and My Attitude to change his behavior and attitude, we should go back to where it all begins. How should I react when he knocks on my car window?