True Story

I believe many drivers, in some point of their driving life, would have some rough encounter with other drivers. Well, here's mine.

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I remembered this incident particularly well because it was the first conflict I had with another road user ever since I had gotten my driving license. It was rather late at night along New Upper Changi Road and the road was almost empty. I was with a couple of friends and we were on our way to a supper place.

While along that road, I was driving behind a motorcycle, with a pillion rider and riding pretty slowly. But as we weren't exactly rushed for time, I didn't switch lane to overtake, instead, I stayed behind the rider. Maybe I was too engrossed conversing with my friends, but the next thing I know when I stopped at the traffic light, the rider pulled up beside me and started knocking hard on my window, demanding me to wind it down.

Of course, I didn't know what happened or what went wrong but because of that hard knocking on my window, I already start to feel anger building up. So the first thing I said aggressively (slight) was,"Eh! What you want?!"

Then I found out the issues he had with me. He (no gender bias here, it's really a "he") claimed that I had shone him a high beam while driving behind him. And he went on to say that I am picking on him and that he's riding within the road speed limit and not road hogging anything. Of course, you should imagine him saying all these in a coarser tone. And that got me even more angry.

We couldn't settle this conflict within the red traffic light time-span, so we stopped by the roadside to trash it out again.

What follows was a good 10 minute of both verbal accusations(by him) and denial (by me), complimented with a slight dose of vulgarities. However, when we both realized that this saga is leading nowhere, we both end it off (hostilely) by walking away from it and back to what we were doing, with bad feelings and rotten mood. I guess that can be counted as a resolve to this issue since we are strangers and I probably won't see him again.

P.S: I found out later that I didn't actually use the high beam on him. It's just that my car beam shines slightly higher due to the higher car height and that his motorbike was not that high. Or maybe it's also because I was driving close to him to create that effect.
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Reflecting back, both parties could have averted this conflict if we were to control our negative emotions and feelings. Even though this conflict do not strain any relationship as we do not have any in the first place to speak of, but it does leave a bad experience and spoils your mood for the rest of the night.

Now why is holding back our negative feelings important? One thing I learn about conflict is that when two person exchange in a heated verbal argument, the issue that started this argument plays a less significant role in fueling the heated exchange. Rather, it's the attitude, tone and expressions of the user that quickly elevate the conflict. You get more angry not because he did that, but because he said it in a manner that is not too friendly. Therefore, it is important to regulate them.

Since it is more logical to avert this escalated conflict by beginning with myself, changing My Behavior and My Attitude to change his behavior and attitude, we should go back to where it all begins. How should I react when he knocks on my car window?

Getting to know Effective Communication

Communication is one of the earliest sign of intelligence for human. The need to communicate stems from the need to depend on each other, the need to borrow the strength of fellow beings and the need to achieve greater heights by working together. It may seems like a simple thing. I mean we all have been communicating ever since the day we were born, it's not something new, rather, it's something we do everyday, so how hard can it get? Unfortunately, that is only true if we were like machines, void of emotions and feelings, void of forming complex perceptions and relationships. Effective communication becomes a tad harder with so many other factors to consider. However, when we are able to communicate effectively, information and ideas in our mind can become reality, improving our quality and way of life. Maybe the sci-fiction movies about robot being able to take over the world so swiftly are true afterall; they can communicate so effectively with each other.

So basic communication is a two-way thing. It comprises of both listening and speaking. Now that's gathering information and transmitting information.

Let's start with speaking. We do talk alot everyday; to your family, friends and probably even the dog on the street. And when we talk, we want someone to hear us. Not only that, we want them to hear us correctly, or at least going in the same direction. Only that way could we get them to align their thinking with us and we can achieve what we set out for. The ability to do this is important in all stages of life. Think about what you can achieve if every idea you have in your head is communicated effectively to the right person and becomes a reality?

Listening aspect would therefore be more of interpreting information coming at us. Equally as important as speaking, listening allows us to gain more knowledge and wisdom so that we can generate even more ideas and creativity. Of course, it is beyond just plain words that we hear, but more importantly, deciphering those words in the same direction as the speaker. Think about how your bosses will like you more if he/she knows that you are moving in the same direction as them.

Ultimately, in my view, getting to know effective communication, whether listening or speaking, is to establish relationships. Communication only flows if there is a relationship. So, the next step for this semester would then be to refine the listening and speaking skills, towards building relationships and finally, getting to know effective communications!

Argh, now my baby cousin is bugging me. How do I effectively let her know that I've work to do.....